In memory of Tonee

Tonee

About five or six years ago, I met a nice lady named Tonee. She and my brother Aaron Van Curen were married four years ago earlier this month. My brother was 42, and Tonee, I just ascertained, was 59. This was my brother's first marriage, and I was happy that, even though it took him awhile, he at last found the love of his life.

But it was not meant to be. Although Aaron and Tonee had several great years together, Tonee had already had one bout with cancer before this. Last year it came back with a vengance, and Tonnee succumbed to this new bout today.

I don't know where Aaron and Tonee's family (she has three children, two sons-in-law and two granddaughters) will go on. But I hope they will treasure the memories they had with her. That's what this blog post will do for me.

4 Generations

Four generations in Don's family that is. Between his granddaughter, his sister Nancy's grandson and two of his youngest brother Brian's grandchildren, there are actually at least four 4-generation photos. Joan has a few more great granchildren than that, depending on how you count them, anywhere from seven to nine, actually.

The four generations in the above photo, are, left to right, oldest to youngest, Great-Grandma Joan Porter, Grandpa Donald Porter, Mama Holly Cronin and Baby Abigail Cronin. I'm going to be adding this one taken by Rob Cronin, or the one I took myself, to a collection. I have a picture Don's father took of Don, his sister Nancy, his brother David, his mom, his grandma and his great-grandma. I also have two that I took myself of the 2005 version of Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa Porter (Joan and Wendall), with Grandpa Brian Porter, parents Danielle Porter and Paul Porter, and babies Andrew Porter and Aidan Porter (now both age 6). And I think Joan has one where Holly's the baby!

For awhile, there were six generations in my extended family.

This is everyone from generations 1, 2, and 3. These people are (front row) Tonee, Grandma, Uncle Ron, cousin Wendy and her then-fiance now husband Garrett (second row), cousins Chad and Jodi, Aunt Annie, me, Mom, (last row) Jodi's husband Chris, Dad, Aaron and Don

This was Thanksgiving 2008, one of the three Thanksgiving celebrations at my brother's house, which I attend every other year. Generations 4-6 were in the next room, save for whichever one of them we rooked into taking the photo of Grandma, her direct descendents and her spouses. To link all the generations there at this and the 2010 Thanksgiving you had to throw in a few step-parenting arrangements, and because Aaron is less than 10 years older than his former stepchildren, he had a "son-in-law" who is 2 years older than he is. I did not have my camera at the 2008 celebration, and Tonee was sick last year. She died on July 27, 2011. But, just for the memory, here is the Van Curen family's "six generations."

1. Grandma Dill

2. John and Carol Van Curen, also Ron and Annie Hughart

3. Aaron Van Curen and Tonee Van Curen (whom all of us will miss) - also Don and me, and Ron and Annie's children and sons-in-law

4. Tonee's children, including Pam and her man, Bruce (also John and TJ, and TJ's husband Tom)

5. Bruce's son Bruce Jr. and his girlfriend

6. Bruce Jr.'s son Xavier

She is for real!

I am posting this picture of me and my granddaughter because since the title of this blog is Granddaughter, Grandmother, I wanted people to know that I do, in fact, have a granddaughter whom I occasionally spend time with. I think this photo shows we're both a little tentative right now...Abigail with me, and me with this whole baby thing, since I'm a grandma and not a mom. I would have liked to have spent a little more of her July 14-18 visit to California doing exactly this, holding her in my arms. But, for a variety of reasons, these times were VERY few and this is the best of three on the camera. I need now to go attend to my husband's needs, plus I'm still thinking through what I want to elaborate on my thoughts about this visit, but for now, enjoy the Grandaughter/Grandma photo!

Update: Holly, my stepdaughter, took three pictures of me and Abigail, and I love these, so I'm sharing them too! They're above the first one I posted.

Happy Birthday, Jurupa Valley!

One of the events of the four-day celebration of Jurupa Valley's incorporation was a car show (mostly classic cars.). A sheriff's deputy at the show was proud to show everyone the new "detailing" that had been added yesterday to his car, "Proudly serving the City of Jurupa Valley." Our city may decide to put its own logo on the cars before too long, but I imagine, like in Apple Valley, we will still have a contracted force from the Sheriff's Department when Jurupa Valley grows up. One of my other former residences, Adelanto (just before the move to Riverside County), got rid of its police force and contracted with the sheriff' department while I lived in Apple Valley.



Just a few hours ago, I attended the very first city council meeting of my hometown, Jurupa Valley, California. Our new mayor, Laura Roughton, is a mom and closed out that first city council meeting by comparing the process of incorporating a city to that of trying to conceive, carry and give birth to a child. She somewhat challenged us all to see ourselves as "parents" of this new city, which will need nurturing and guidance as it grows to maturity. I'll have to take her word for it that incorporation is like becoming a parent, but as a somewhat civic-minded resident, I will strive to help my city as it grows.

What makes me even more excited and hopeful for Jurupa Valley is that if I am a parent of this municipality, this is my second child. I have already had a part in raising another great Valley, the Town of Apple Valley, from infancy to adulthood. I lived in Apple Valley from 1990 through 2003.

Both of my cities are named "Valley" and both were attractive to me for similar reasons. I am a country girl. Although today's incorporation means I'll probably be living in a city for the rest of my life, I have actually so far only spent about 16 1/2 of my 49 years living within the city limits of anywhere. Even eight of my 13 years in Apple Valley were in a rural area outside the town limits. I therefore greatly appreciated Apple Valley's commitment to preserving a rural lifestyle, and one of my hopes for Jurupa Valley is that it will do likewise.

But, just as my two stepchildren are very different, I think my two cities will be too.

Jurupa Valley considers July 1, 2011, the first day it could legally be open for business, as its "birthday." If Apple Valley had followed the same logic, today would be my former hometown's 22nd birthday. However, Apple Valley considers itself born on November 28, 1988. This is the day the San Bernardino County Board of Supervisors certified the election held 20 days earlier in which voters there decided they wanted to incorporate.

I moved to the Victor Valley on June 12, 1989, which is 19 days before Apple Valley began officially operating as a town. By the end of 1989, my ex-husband and I had picked out a lot in the still unincorporated part of Apple Valley, where we moved in April 1990. From 1998 through 2003, I lived within the town limits, and from 2003 to 2005, I continued to keep a close eye on the town even though circumstances had forced a move back to Victorville. Better circumstances required us to move to Riverside County in 2005, and home ownership brought us to Jurupa Valley in 2006.

When Apple Valley incorporated, we were coming to an end of a much more prosperous time. But, economic challenges were on their way. The entire country was heading into a recession, and in the High Desert, that was made worse by a decision to decomission George Air Force Base in 1992. Once it had the general plan in place, Apple Valley didn't struggle too much in the early 1990s. It didn't have the money to grow. It didn't want to grow either.

When the economy improved in the mid-1990s, Apple Valley began to change a bit, especially in the middle of town. First, two new grocery-anchored shopping centers came in. Then, a new library. Lastly, in 2002, the Town of Apple Valley moved its operations out of three rented buildings and into its own Town Hall. In that last year before I moved, it was a joy to attend a few Town Council meetings in that comfortable, attractive, but not ostentatious facility that continues to serve the town well.

Apple Valley is a town. In California, cities can be towns if they want to be. Apple Valley's founders thought calling the new municipality a town would better communicate its commitment to keeping a rural lifestyle.

Now that Apple Valley is a "young adult," it does not seem nearly as rural as when I first moved there. A drive down Bear Valley Road at the beginning of this year showed that section of the town to be much more developed than it was even in 2003, and it is my understanding significant portions along Highway 18 are also more developed than they were eight years ago. However, I believe if I were to travel off the two main roads, I would still see a commitment to rural living.

I don't know if I will see that same commitment in Jurupa Valley when it's a young adult.

I am confident Jurupa Valley will retain much of its rural character for awhile. It has no choice. Apple Valley may have been dealing with a recession when it first could stand on its own two feet. That slowed progress. Jurupa Valley is born into the worst economy of most people's lifetimes, except those alive during the Great Depression. Because of how California wrote the state budget, Jurupa Valley had to slash $6.2 million (from an anticipated surplus) before it even started. Most likey, that actually means Jurupa Valley starts off at the lowest point in its economy and can only get better.

Meanwhile, Jurupa Valley may need 18 months to figure out its municipal codes and general plan. But it may need less. I don't expect my new city to have quite so much public input, evne though that input seems welcomed.

In a city that is born with a population of 92,000, only about 6,000 of us voted, and only 54 percent of us voters were in favor of incorpoation. Compare that with Apple Valley's 10,683 yes votes (83 percent) in a city that was around 50,000 pouplation at the time. That translates to at least 20 percent of Apple Valley's original residents caring enough to voice their opinion, whereas in Jurupa Valley, we should more likely expect about 3 or 4 percent caring so much. Today might be the first evidence. In adopting its first six ordinances and 33 resolutions, Jurupa Valley's City Council only heard concerns from two residents.

Soon enogh, Jurupa Valley will have the financial means and the strength of new codes and plans to actully accomplish change. It most likely will do so quickly. I expect the five newly sworn-in City Council members, all of whom moved to the neighborhoods of Jurupa Valley when they were far more rural, to do their best to keep things that way. I am not sure if the ones who come after them will.

I also know our leaders will need to pursue some opportunities to bring in more revenue through development. This city is already home to 92,000 people, most of whom probably don't know they didn't live in a city before today. It is surrounded on all four sides by other cities, one of which is quite large. And it is the CITY of Jurupa Valley.

So, I don't know what the future holds. But I'm still excited!

What were women really like in Old Testament times?

In my off-again, on-again efforts at maintaining this blog, I today feel a need to address the myth that the Bible perpetuates the idea that women are an inferior or weaker sex. If you are reading this blog, and you hold that myth against the church, this will give you a reason to think past the myth. And if you are someone who uses other parts of the Bible (wrongly) to keep the myth alive, this will show you why you are going against the will of God. In other words, if you are perpetuating the myth, you are just wrong, you are a sinner, so suck it up and repent!

My blog entry today will focus on Psalms 68, which Don and I read in a time of couple's devotional time that we have done regularly since at least 2004. If you are married and a Christian, I encourage you to schedule devotional time regularly for your family. Don and I have a goal, usually realized, of doing this once a week. Sunday morning works well for us because we don't go to church until 5:15. We used to do it on Saturday mornings, or sometimes on Sunday afternoon AFTER we got back from church. We do this after the weekend late morning breakfast, but some families might have to find a different time, not necessarily after a meal. If there isn't a time the whole family is together, don't skip devotionals because one or two kids are off doing something else. Have devotionals with whoever is there.

But back to Psalms 68. If you read it in either of my two favorite translations, the NIV or the New King James Version (which is WAY EASIER to read than the Old King James Version, but to me a very clear way of saying things) you might not notice V. 11. In both of these versions, it tells you the Lord "gave the word" (NKJV) or "announced the word" (NIV) and a great "host" (NKJV) or "company" proclaimed it. So, you would say "Great. A lot of people did what they were supposed to do and praised God. And then what happened?"

But Don's favorite version of the Bible is the New American Standard Version. And its version of Psalm 68: 11 states "The Lord gives the command and THE WOMEN who proclaimed it were a great host." This begets two questions, especially if you were reading all three versions at the same time, as we were. Why just the women? And why is this event making it into a story that is about praising God? (The Psalms are songs, or poems, of praise to God.)

If you are reading the NIV the next verse would tell you that "Kings and armies flee in haste, in camps, men divide the plunder." But both the NKJV and the NASV tell you something quite different. They tell you "she who remains at home will divide the spoil." I'm going with 2 out of 3 here, and asking again "Why the women? Why is this in praise to God?"

My knowledge of Greek and Roman culture is not in any way extensive. But I do know that those two cultures, starting before the time of Jesus, put excessive limits on women's freedom. There are references to it in the New Testament, and there are examples of New Testament writers, the pastors of their day, instructing congregations to concede to these limitations. Certainly many 21st Century Christian pastors, church leaders and faithful attenders, in varying degrees, expect Christian women to continue within these limitations. Sadly, some of these same people try to impose these limitations on women outside of the Church. Even more tragic is the greater extent to which Muslim governments and/or quasi-government terrorist groups, most of which are quite near where Jesus lived, limit the freedoms of women in those countries.

But I believe Psalms 68: 11-12 is one of several places in the Old Testament where God makes clear he does not expect women to sit on the sidelines severely limited by the norms of their church, culture or government! I believe this because of some research Don, a Bible scholar and Christian for 50 years and I, a Christian for 28 years, were able to do with materials we had readily available.

Don's NASV Bible has study notes referring us to Exodus 15:20 and 1 Samuel 18:6. In Exodus, Miriam, sister of Moses, took a timbrel (small tambourine-like instrument) in her hand, and all the women followed her with timbrels and dancing. This was to praise that their people, the Israelites, had successfully crossed the parted Red Sea, yet when Pharoh's army followed in pursuit of them, the Red Sea filled back up and drowned them.

1 Samuel 18:6 refers to a time several centuries later when King David and his army returned victorious from defeating the Philistines. Once again, women came out of the cities singing and dancing. It is my opinion that no man told them to do this, but in each city, an influential and God-loving woman led her peers to get up and dance!

Do you know a woman like this in your church? I can think of at least two in mine. And if you go to a church like mine, you will see a lot of people freely praising God during the worship portion of the service. However, you will more likely see the women lifting their arms and clapping their hands in praise. Most of the men (Don being a notable exception) are more reserved, if not standing with arms at sides or crossed over their chest.

I believe God made women to be this way. God loves this praise, and he gave women the job of providing it. This is an important job! However, just as they did in Moses and Miriam' time, and in King David's time, many modern women may feel a little reserved about doing this. I must add, God gave the job of praising Him to men as well. But there has to be a reason he made it come easier to women!

I was raised in a church with a less exuberant style of worship. I personally have gotten over my inhibitions because of my husband's example. But the vast majority of women come to church with a husband who isn't doing this, or with no husband at all. (Either because she has no husband or because her husband chooses not to come to church with her.) These women need the influence of another woman to help them see that exuberant worship is OK, and even highly desired! I strive, and know of times where I have succeeded, to provide that influence to other women. I do not see myself as particularly influential, so if I can do it, there are many other women who can lead a congregation of women - and sometimes men - to lift holy hands in praise.

Let me tell you a little more about Miriam, that original highly influential woman. I took a look at one of Don's books from when he pursued a Masters of Divinity degree, and also some notes I took on a Sandals' Women's Bible study about Miriam. I have learned that Moses, Miriam and their brother Aaron were most likely raised by parents (Amram and Jochbed) who followed the Jewish faith more closely than did their peers, thus raising their children with more exposure to the Jewish faith.

Moses did not live with his parents after the age of 3. When Moses was an infant the Israelites had lived in the captivity of the Egyptian pharohs for about 400 years. Pharoh issued a decree that all male Jewish children should be killed. Trusting God, Jochbed placed Moses in a floating basket, where he was rescued and "adopted" by Pharoh's daughter. She unknowingly sent Moses back to live with his family until he was weaned at age 3. Miriam watched the rescue from a distance, and then boldly asked Pharoh's daughter if she should find an Israeli woman to nurse the baby. When Pharoh's daughter agreed, Miriam naturally asked her own mother. But from the time of the weaning on, Moses lived in Pharoh's mansion as his grandson.

Yet as a grown man, Moses chose to give up the luxury and privileges of his life as Pharoh's grandson. He returned to be with "his people." Many Bible scholars credit this strong exposure to the Jewish faith early in his life as a possible reason why he identified himself as a Jew.

And if his parents had that much influence on Moses, how much more did they have on Miriam and their brother Aaron? These two children lived in their parents household for much longer, perhaps until their parents' death. When it was time for Moses to approach Pharoh and demand the release of the Israelites, (Exodus 3 and 4), he pleaded with God to let Aaron speak for him. After their exodus from Egypt, both Aaron and Miriam continued to assist Moses in the leadership of the great multitude of people who camped in the desert the next 40 years.

No doubt, Amram and Jochbed had instilled in their children an extraordinary confidence. No doubt, God wanted that confidence in Miriam as well. The Bible does not record she ever married or had children. Children might have given her different responsibilities than those God had in mind for her, but I believe she would have been a woman of great influence with or without them.

Another highly influential woman, not mentioned by name in the Bible, is "Pharoh's daughter," the woman who rescued the infant Moses from drowning in the Nile and who then raised him. She somehow was able to persuade her father, the very man who had ordered all Israeli boys killed, that not only should the life of this one be saved, but the boy should be raised as her son. As a pharoh, her father was no doubt a strong man. She inherited his strength.

History suggests the name of this woman was Hathshepsut, daughter of Pharoh Thutmose I. Although one of four children born to Thutmose and his first wife Ahmose, Hathshepsut is believed to be the only one who survived to adulthood. Like most ancient cultures, the Egyptians prohibited women from ascending to the throne, and did allow polygamy. Thus, a son of one of Thutmose's other wives became king, and took the name Thutmose II.

However, it was also legal in Egyptian society for half-siblings to marry, and that is what Thutmose II and Hathshepsut did. Historical evidence indicates, however, that because of Thutmose II's weak personality and physical ability, Hathshepsut and her mother were actually calling the shots during his reign.

Hathshepsut and Thutmose II had only one child, daughter Nefrure. Thutmose II also had other wives, so one of their sons became the next king, assuming the name Thutmose III. But about one year later, Hathshepsut assembled an army to overthrow him. Although Thutmose III remained alive and opposed to this overthrow, Hathshepsut ruled as queen for the remainder of her life.

Like Miriam, this is a strong woman who was blessed by God. Both of these women also had strong parents, who no doubt didn't believe daughters should be weak. I also believe both of these women, and their mothers, are evidence that God never wanted women to be weak or inferior. We're not!

Soldiers and Elks

Earlier tonight, I went to Sandals for what will be the last time this year. When we go there again on Jan. 9, Don will be done with his long military career, and we will begin the process of seeing how God is going to get us through that 19 months before he actually gets a retirement pension. Wow.

The fact that Don was forced out of his full-time job with the military in 2009, and still hasn't found another job - in fact I think I can count the number of legitimate job interviews on one hand - has me worried. The fact that he will soon be losing the part-time portion of his military service has me more so. After all, during 2004 - our most difficult year - the full-time job is what got us through the year, and the next five years. The part-time job with the Air Guard has been a blessing to us throughout all 10 years of our marriage. And it too is coming to an end soon, without any clear understanding of how God will provide a replacement income for Don.

Will I be going back to being the family provider? And if so, will Don be contributing ANYTHING? These are questions that swirl through my head, even though Don goes to an audition callback tomorrow, and could be chosen and filming a new commercial before 2010 is over.

Tonight's sermon reminded me again that I need to stop being so afraid. If you've been to Sandals anytime since Thanksgiving, you know the series is about spiritual warfare. And if you went today, you know Pastor Matt talked at great length about lions prowling about ready to devour elks, just as Satan would like to devour us.

Elks are my absolute favorite wild animal! After all, I used to be an ELK. I was Ellen Louise Kril, a.ka. ELK. As Pastor Matt's went on with his analogy of elks being these highly vulnerable creatures (to lions) just like we are (to Satan), I realized that was so very, very true during the years 1989 to 1997 when I myself was an ELK.

First of all, by becoming ELK, I was walking into danger - an unequally yoked marriage. At that time, I was definitely more vulnerable to Satan's attacks. In fact, for a few of those years, 1992-94, I was not a church attender. My problems with infertility at that time were so overwhelming, I couldn't even deal with church.

It didn't help that I was attending a church that worshipped families practically as much as the Mormons do. It is my understanding, at least, a Mormon woman is told she cannot reach heaven unless she has children. (Which makes heaven unattainable to someone like myself.) At the church I attended in the 1990s, all who believed in Jesus could be saved. But, women who did not make motherhood their primary calling were not, according to this church, walking in God's will. I would have chosen a church that accepted motherhood was not God's will for every single woman, except that this church was the closest to my home, and my husband wanted me to spend as little time as possible away from him on Sundays. Did that not make me like an elk out on the plain in Africa, too lame to run far away from the lion? Yet, by God's grace, this ELK was never devoured by the Lion. But the marriage was.

After my divorce, I wasn't really sure what the future held for me. But soon enough, God put a wonderful Christian man in my path, and that is my husband Don. Don has actually been in my path since 1990, but my new-found singleness in early 1998 led me to High Desert Church, where Don attended from 1990 until well after we moved to Riverside. He was active in the HDC single's program, and there, our friendship blossomed into so much more. It was as if God had sent me my very own soldier to help protect me from the evil one.

I know the sermon was about each person putting on the full armor of God - the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit. Every Roman soldier needed this armor, just as every member of the Air Force needs certain tools before he or she goes on a deployment. Likewise, just as Roman soldiers needed to know how to use their armory, our military needs to know how to use the tools in their duffle bags.

I am glad that 27 years of being a Christian has given me good tools and the ability to put them to good use in the spiritual battles I now face. I am sure the battle ground I faced in my first and second decade as a Christian helped sharpen my ability. I am now fairly confident that I can get through anything!

But, the United States military is not just effective because it has good tools and good training. It is effective because of the chain of command. Soldiers facing a battle look to a commanding officer for instruction. Likewise, I believe the more experienced soldier in my life - Don has been a Christian for 49 years - leads me to safety, and to the places where we can best accomplish the mission God has for us.

All of this came to mind through tonight's discussion of elks and soldiers. Then it was reinforced. One of the songs we sang at the end of worship was "Oh, How He Loves You and Me." That song, which I don't think we have ever sang at Sandals before, was a staple at the church I attended in the 90s. It was followed by "Wait Upon The Lord," a song we don't sing very often at Sandals - but it was a staple at High Desert Church.

Elks, soldiers, and old standard church songs. These remind me of how God has already worked in my life. This helps me to trust that in 2011, he will continue to do so.

Have I been cranky lately?

Probably. That's why this Facebook posting by Saddleback pastor Rick Warren hit home.

When cranky people blog I wonder if anyone likes to be around them in real life. "You must show yourself friendly" Pr18:24

I don't know if anyone reads my blog, beyond maybe the first two entries. I think the last two entries are more like a journal for venting frustration with some things that are going on in my life. But if you stumble on this, please know that I don't want to come off as a crank. In real life, I hope I come across as a friendly, or at least a sensitive and caring person.

Ok? I'll be back for some vetching when I think of something else to vetch about. Or when I think of something I should praise God about beyond the everyday things, that I should be in constant praise regarding. Generally, God makes life very good, that's why it's disappointing if that's not what's happening.