Earlier tonight, I went to Sandals for what will be the last time this year. When we go there again on Jan. 9, Don will be done with his long military career, and we will begin the process of seeing how God is going to get us through that 19 months before he actually gets a retirement pension. Wow.
The fact that Don was forced out of his full-time job with the military in 2009, and still hasn't found another job - in fact I think I can count the number of legitimate job interviews on one hand - has me worried. The fact that he will soon be losing the part-time portion of his military service has me more so. After all, during 2004 - our most difficult year - the full-time job is what got us through the year, and the next five years. The part-time job with the Air Guard has been a blessing to us throughout all 10 years of our marriage. And it too is coming to an end soon, without any clear understanding of how God will provide a replacement income for Don.
Will I be going back to being the family provider? And if so, will Don be contributing ANYTHING? These are questions that swirl through my head, even though Don goes to an audition callback tomorrow, and could be chosen and filming a new commercial before 2010 is over.
Tonight's sermon reminded me again that I need to stop being so afraid. If you've been to Sandals anytime since Thanksgiving, you know the series is about spiritual warfare. And if you went today, you know Pastor Matt talked at great length about lions prowling about ready to devour elks, just as Satan would like to devour us.
Elks are my absolute favorite wild animal! After all, I used to be an ELK. I was Ellen Louise Kril, a.ka. ELK. As Pastor Matt's went on with his analogy of elks being these highly vulnerable creatures (to lions) just like we are (to Satan), I realized that was so very, very true during the years 1989 to 1997 when I myself was an ELK.
First of all, by becoming ELK, I was walking into danger - an unequally yoked marriage. At that time, I was definitely more vulnerable to Satan's attacks. In fact, for a few of those years, 1992-94, I was not a church attender. My problems with infertility at that time were so overwhelming, I couldn't even deal with church.
It didn't help that I was attending a church that worshipped families practically as much as the Mormons do. It is my understanding, at least, a Mormon woman is told she cannot reach heaven unless she has children. (Which makes heaven unattainable to someone like myself.) At the church I attended in the 1990s, all who believed in Jesus could be saved. But, women who did not make motherhood their primary calling were not, according to this church, walking in God's will. I would have chosen a church that accepted motherhood was not God's will for every single woman, except that this church was the closest to my home, and my husband wanted me to spend as little time as possible away from him on Sundays. Did that not make me like an elk out on the plain in Africa, too lame to run far away from the lion? Yet, by God's grace, this ELK was never devoured by the Lion. But the marriage was.
After my divorce, I wasn't really sure what the future held for me. But soon enough, God put a wonderful Christian man in my path, and that is my husband Don. Don has actually been in my path since 1990, but my new-found singleness in early 1998 led me to High Desert Church, where Don attended from 1990 until well after we moved to Riverside. He was active in the HDC single's program, and there, our friendship blossomed into so much more. It was as if God had sent me my very own soldier to help protect me from the evil one.
I know the sermon was about each person putting on the full armor of God - the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit. Every Roman soldier needed this armor, just as every member of the Air Force needs certain tools before he or she goes on a deployment. Likewise, just as Roman soldiers needed to know how to use their armory, our military needs to know how to use the tools in their duffle bags.
I am glad that 27 years of being a Christian has given me good tools and the ability to put them to good use in the spiritual battles I now face. I am sure the battle ground I faced in my first and second decade as a Christian helped sharpen my ability. I am now fairly confident that I can get through anything!
But, the United States military is not just effective because it has good tools and good training. It is effective because of the chain of command. Soldiers facing a battle look to a commanding officer for instruction. Likewise, I believe the more experienced soldier in my life - Don has been a Christian for 49 years - leads me to safety, and to the places where we can best accomplish the mission God has for us.
All of this came to mind through tonight's discussion of elks and soldiers. Then it was reinforced. One of the songs we sang at the end of worship was "Oh, How He Loves You and Me." That song, which I don't think we have ever sang at Sandals before, was a staple at the church I attended in the 90s. It was followed by "Wait Upon The Lord," a song we don't sing very often at Sandals - but it was a staple at High Desert Church.
Elks, soldiers, and old standard church songs. These remind me of how God has already worked in my life. This helps me to trust that in 2011, he will continue to do so.
